Perfect Is Not Your Purpose
Week 8: On messing up and finding wholeness in releasing the pressure to be 'good'.
I am behind in posting.
Today marks the last installment on an 8-week challenge I created, mostly an attempt for myself, called Creativity as Hope. What sparked during a heavy time where hopelessness felt tangible here in Minnesota, became a way to connect, release and keep creating as a path towards hope.
It has been good for me to find reason to share and explore ideas here. However, last week I did not post. I did not send a newsletter. I did not share.
What that stirred up for me, is my relationship with perfection and being ‘good’. I have a complicated past with those words...
The idea of doing things ‘perfectly’ or being ‘good’ has a way of taking over areas of our lives we might not even recognize at first.
When I was young, I quickly collected the truth that being ‘good’ would lead me to being successful. If I listened, I was rewarded. Therefore A+B = C. If I did things as instructed in school, in sports, in church, at home – I was praised. And because I was naturally gifted in some areas, I began to take pride in being praised in my work and achievements. (I have to state, that I don’t believe there is anything wrong with doing things well, in fact, I believe it’s important to give your best to what matters.)
Overtime – if we are not careful, a simple idea of being ‘good’ or doing things ‘perfectly’ can start to restrict us and create unhealthy habits that seep into all areas of our lives. Soon ideas like being the perfect mom, the best wife, the most awarded artist, or top business leader become our goal, gifting us a heavy burden and shame cycle that we were never meant to carry.
What happened to me was an unhealthy reliance on being ‘perfect’ or ‘good’. I desired to stay in everyone’s good graces, be likeable and not make mistakes. Messing up brought shame and fear that I would ‘ruin’ myself, my work, or my reputation. This brought overthinking and questioning my every move. This idea also bled into my faith identity and made me fear that God would not love me, if I was not ‘good’ by the standards of what those around me deemed acceptable.
It would take years for me finally get to a place where I could no longer endure the pressure and start the process of releasing and healing from these ideas that weighed me down.
Life also has a way of changing your mind about things. In 2006, I would be diagnosed with Lupus and start to learn I cannot control everything. In 2014, I would start up my creative brand, Spoonful of Faith, after years of not making art, and begin creating without fear. In 2016, I would make a leap to go full time, and begin a 10 year journey of letting go of all I thought my life should look like and open my heart to what God had for me. Those experiences pushed me to lean into the rollercoaster of my life, embrace both the bad and good, let go of perfection, which ultimately changed me in the best way.
Truth is, we are going to make mistakes and there will always be ‘better’.
We won’t ever have it all figured out and we honestly don’t have to. Moving forward in our lives with honesty and wholeness instead of fear or shame is more important than getting it ‘perfect.’
One word that I was introduced a few years back that has helped me change my thinking around ‘goodness’ is Tov. In my faith community, this Hebrew word was used in Genesis, after God created man. He called us ‘good’ or tov. The definition not translating exact to our English version – but instead to a much deeper meaning: something that fulfills its purpose, is whole, is operating as it was made to do - fulfilling its purpose. After some studying around it, I got a tattoo of this word on my wrist. It is a daily reminder that God sees me this way, made exactly as I should be, whole in all my imperfections and I am loved there. I don’t have to live up to unrealistic ideas. I can live and move towards wholeness vs. perfection.
So this week, as I slipped into past patterns from my minor set back, I was reminded I need not be perfect. Neither do you.
Perfect is not my purpose. And it does not need to be yours either.
Being whole is a much better plan.
This might not be a big shift for you, but for me it breaks walls. It helps me to think of myself with all my quirks, all my flaws, and yet believe that I can be whole with my imperfections.
My favorite example of this is in nature. How flowers grow, beautifully whole and complete – not one identical or perfectly the same, yet they grow, they are tov. How as I look towards the hills, they are not perfectly rounded, yet together - what a beautiful view. And as I paint flowers, I connect to the process of letting of perfection, embracing the work of becoming not perfect, but more whole each day. There’s freedom there.
Perfection is not your purpose. I hope you believe it.
Week 8: Perfection
To round out the last week of the Creativity as Hope challenge, the prompt idea today is - perfection.
What has your relationship with perfection been? Where has it shaped you? Where has it limited you?
As always, to participate you can create in response to the prompt. It can be as much or as little as you want. Some ideas:
Draw
Journal
Paint
Leave a comment
Make something just for yourself
Or simply sit with the prompt and see what comes to light
This is just an invite to notice, reflect, and create as a way of staying hopeful. If you missed our recent prompts - click here for all the posts or to view a few of them!
What a refreshing read 🥹